A lot of work needs to be done, as the essay is confusing and put together in a hasty manner. Basic components of the prompt were not completed such as length, quotes, or any outside resources. Within in there are local errors as well, some of which are detailed in the google document itself. You have a lot of points that you make in one sentence, then never back it up with any evidence. There are also points in which you state opinions as if they are facts, and you just do not do that. There are a lot of base ideas here, so the building is the next part. Remember to move onto more finishing details such as catchy lines, MLA formatting, and a title. After creating your next draft remember to read it through out loud.
I would make it a point to do two things. First, get someone at SASC or go to the professor to review your paper once it is in a more complete form. Second, get a grammar checker such as ‘Grammarly’ to catch some of the local errors that you miss as you are typing.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YQ-ZcHRom1dPYfxpFemggXkYXcOLVTbvoeyXGvkc6Xo/edit?usp=sharing
