Thesis: Beauty is complicated and seen in many ways, while it can bring one individual pleasure, there is only so much it can do for society as a whole.
-Form and sense drive definitions go here
Claim 1: Beauty is not determined by what group they are a part of, but by the experiences they encounter in their life.
-Include firsthand experiences dating from other cultures, living in other areas.
Claim 2: Beauty is seen in many different ways by many levels of society on the individual scale.
-Barclay paragraph using Tehya’s aunt (Raw, natural) vs Liam’s Mother (motivation) and comparison between the two.
Claim 3: My own personal definitions of beauty are varied in their own ways.
-Nature
-Music
-Annia
Claim 4: Beauty in society as Schiller would like to see it would do nothing for the overall health of the system.
-Use quote from Armstrong about how Schiller thought everyone has to see beauty in something even if it doesn’t line up with his own believes and expand on this point.
-Use compassion and empathy as catalyst for change.
-Form and sense drive and it’s real world applications
Conclusion: Wrap up and make up a beauty and the beast joke.
I think this is a specific thesis. I like your claim that it can’t do much for the larger group. Consider adding a why.
I know that you wanted to make your thesis more specific–and I think that’s okay, as well. Ultimately, it’s up to you, as you hone your argument. You want to narrow it until you feel that it will support a forward-moving essay.