Looking at They say/I say along with feedback I wanted to change how I introduced my quotes for better flow. My first change was introducing the quote in a more flowing manner. My second change consisted of trimming the fat of a long quote and leaving the meatier and more meaningful part in. At this point, I would like to add another quote or two in Zander but the choice has yet to have been made.
Syris, I’ve noticed you use the word “flow” a good bit. I’m curious how you define this. It’s one of those words that can make writing a little more mysterious than it needs to be. I think you made wonderful changes when you trimmed that fat off the second quote.